Eat my Hair

Dear Mr. President...

2007-01-23T19:47:00.001-08:00

Please stop addressing the nation during prime time. You have ruined several of my tv shows this way. Stick to ruining your country, you're good at that.

Love forever,
Fiona

2007-01-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am depressed and these are the reasons:
-People make me sad, I don't know why I try so hard to love them
-Broccoli does not mix well in my Magic Bullet
-Black bananas are in my fridge but I feel horrible throwing them out
-I used the last of my credit card money to pay my rent
-I have one obese cat, one on the way to being obese, and one underweight anorexic cat
-The drain in my bathroom hasn't been fixed yet so I have a bucket underneath to catch my soap/toothpaste/water
-My socks smell
-Boy keeps hogging Shadow's favourite toy
-My chest and arm hurt
-I just wasted an hour and a half watching Rumor Has It
-I got a Christmas card today with my name spelled completely different. It said Suzy instead of Fiona.
-I can't start my life again until I get better and it's been 6 months.
-I have ketchup in the fridge which I never use and I keep thinking about it, slowly rotting away, being ignored, I feel so bad for it.
-I'm developing feelings for the condiments in my fridge.

Ipod rant

2007-01-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

I don’t own an iPod. I think there are only two people on the planet that don’t own an iPod. Me and Saddam. Oh wait...so I’m the only one left who doesn’t own and iPod, but honestly I don’t get it. What’s all the shebang about. It’s a Walkman at three times the price. We had them 10 years ago. So big deal the songs are in memory as opposed to my little cds. Does it really matter? They’re both digital. Oh but an iPod can hold a quadzillion hours of music but my Walkman can only hold two hours. Your life must be pretty sad if you have enough time to listen to quadzillion hours of uninterrupted music.

Randomness at it's finest...

2006-11-26T18:27:00.000-08:00

I pretty much spent the whole weekend in bed, with pains in my chest and arms, not to mention a splitting headache. I have a few more tests to do to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, and it makes me really upset that no doctor has been able to pinpoint the problem yet. The most I did was go to little India to do my eyebrows. Ya, it's far from where I live, but it's the only place that does a somewhat ok job of threading and isn't in Markham. I wish more brown people lived downtown, then maybe there would be more of a market for threading and more brown salons would exist. I wouldn't look like Bert as much. I still hate my apartment, it doesn't fit my style at all. I've never felt so uncomfortable living somewhere, and I've lived in a lot of umcomfortable places. My ear stretching isn't going so good, I had to guage down a size due to lymph and blood oozing out of it 24/7. Got a nice lecture from Tom which I expected, I guess I should listen to him more. My septum is healing fine, I ordered crappy jewelry off of ebay for it, but I want to wait another week until I know it's healed. He's also going to make me a plastic retainer for when I have MRI next week. I'm not sure if my next piercing will be my other nostril or my lip, but I have lots of time to decide that. I'm getting addicted to piercings again, but this time it's for the better because I know who the best/worst piercers are and I'm not doing them myself :P I can't find this band called Teddybears in any music stores, and no one seems to know who they are. I keep getting smirks from the store clerks when I ask for the name. They probably think it's some cutesy pop band because of the name, but they were actually once a grindcore punk band. Now I think they're just punk/electronica, but I'm addicted to them all the same.

I love him

2006-11-16T16:59:00.000-08:00

We have a beautiful, odd relationship and it works.

If my life were a movie...

2006-11-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

this would be the poster for it:

My new friend

2006-11-16T16:46:00.000-08:00

I love it and often wonder why it took me so long to got it.

No, it's not a runny nose, it's a septum retainer. I can't wait to put this bad boy in it, I bought it off of Ebay for $10!

Useless information

2006-11-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

-I still make shampoo shapes with my hair in the shower
-I use toothbrushes made for children because they have fun characters on them
-I love Viagra commercials
-I sometimes look at my hands and get scared cause I know they will one day be lifeless
-I choreograph my own dances when I should be cleaning my apartment
-I really hate my name
-I've always wanted to look Oriental
-I only date men over 30.
-I think my stuffed animals talk behind my back when I'm gone, laughing at me
-My two biggest fears are dying from a brain hemmorage, a heart attack or appendicitis.
-I'm a hypochondriach
-America makes me feel proud to be a Canadian
-I'm a Christian, but you'd never guess and I'd never discuss it with you, I'm very private and free thinking when it comes to my faith and don't have the same cookie cutter views as everyone else
-I want to live in a world of muppets instead of humans; they make me laugh so much
-5 years ago, I spent $100 on a Pilates work out tape set and have only used it twice; once while drinking a beer
-I eat food I drop on the floor on a daily basis
-I can eat a whole large pizza by myself in one sitting
-I will trust a stranger whole heartedly until s/he convinces me otherwise
-I hate being alone yet I've been living by myself for 2+ years
-My happiest was when I was homeless
-I'm convinced that if I try really really hard, I can move things with my eyes like Matilda, I just haven't tried hard enough
-I just ate ice cream for dinner, just because I can. This happens often.
-I've worn the same socks for 3 days straight. Not because I'm out of socks, I just like these ones.
-This is the loneliest I have ever felt in my entire life.
-I wish I was a recreational pot smoker, they have more fun.
-I miss my crack head/cockroach ridden apartment, even though the one I'm in now is safer and cleaner. It just doesn't feel like home.
-I've had more than 5 guns pointed at my head at once (dude sitting behind me on the ttc said he was going to shoot all the brown people on the streetcar, swat was called in. I was oblivious, as usual)
-I am secretely spiteful towards white chocolate because I feel it is an imposter
-I once made kraft dinner with chocolate milk because I was out of white. It tasted horrible.
-I loved sucking on rusty nails as a kid
-I've never stepped foot in a spa
-I will love you more than you will ever love me. Every psychic tells me this. They also tell me I will never have love in my life, and I'm ok with this, so long as I can give it.
-I still have my Mr. Bubble from when I was 5, just in case I ever decide to have a bubble bath.
-Friendships scare me.
-I miss the imaginary horse (Sooshy)I had as a kid.
-At weddings, I feel so, so sorry for the bride and so greatful for my independance.
-I wish I could wear a Sari everyday for the rest of my life because they are so comfortable. One day I will start.
-People never fail to amaze me at how much they will hurt me and not even notice.
-I want to own a camel one day.
-One day I'll be important, not in a CEO way, but in a helping others way.
-I love my cat more than anyone I know.
-I hate getting flowers.
-The only people I want at my funeral are my mom, dad and brother.
-Butterflies scare the poop out of me.
-My uncle suffocated his pet chicken by accident as a kid. The story makes me laugh because instead of saying suffocated, he says sophisticated, even after all these years in Canada.
-I find it hard to believe a word anyone says anymore.
-For some reason, I feel better when I write point form posts intimate details about myself I would normally never share with anyone.

This Thanksgiving...

2006-10-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for really great friends and family who I would be lost without.

Holy no posts Batman!

2006-10-18T21:15:00.001-07:00

Ya, It's been a long time, but I've been living elsewhere for a while. My brother inspired me to pick up the blogging again because God knows I could use the outlet. After months of hospital trips, West Nile, crushing chest pains, new friends, who I can't believe I lived without until now. It's an incredibly bittersweet time in my life and it's hard to process that I'm already 24, living single, the caretaker of 3 monsters (I mean, cats) and completely at a loss of which direction my life is about to turn. I just hope it's for the better and not the worse... again. So look forward to more updates, cause I'm moving back to blogger, hopefully this time I stay.

Comments

2006-07-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

For some reason, my comments aren't working for my posts and that makes me sad :( But I kinda fixed the comments from this page on, and I still need names for my rats! K, you suggested Lymphoma and Typhoid?

Paco and Taco

2006-07-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am really hoping to adopt these little guys from the Humane Society, but I won't be able to take them until I move in. I absolutely ADORE (I rarely use that word, sorry) rats and want to have a million, but for now I will just take these two. I need suggestions for names though. I had two mice before and I named them Chick Chick and Doot after the noises they made, so needless to say, I'm not a very good name-er. I'm thinking of Paco and Taco, but if someone can think of something better, I might reconsider. I went to see them today and they are the sweetest little guys! But I don't want to take them until I have a fixed address again, which should be by August. Anyway, here's a pic of them...

Please sign this petition

2006-07-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

I hate depressing shit as much as the next person, and I'm seeing more and more of it these days, but I feel like shit not doing anything about it, so I guess this is my first step by posting this petition and asking people to sign it. Whether you're an animal lover or not, I think we all have a moral (as humans) obligation to help protect those that cannot protect themselves. I have no idea whether signing this thing will actually make a difference, here's forever hoping.

Please click HERE

Thank you

Pause...

2006-07-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,
Just a quick update to let you all know I'm still (barely) alive. I've just been working on a few projects here and there and busy for the first time in my life. BME Fest was this weekend and it was kick ass! Lots of squeamish stuff like suspensions and implants, but overall, it was a great party where some ended up naked on the warehouse "dance floor/mosh pit". The bands that played were amazing! Mostly rockabilly punk bands like The Flea Circus, The Matadors and The Legendary Klopeks. Anyways, the party was preceeded by me John and Randy moving my life to a new place on St. Claire West and Bathurst, but the place is not ready yet so I will be rooming with Randy for the month of July where we will become the bestest of friends and roommates! It's been fun so far, we haven't killed each other yet. Other than that, I've mostly been depressed with stupid extended family shit that I can't control and I'm trying not to think about it too much cause I just get really pissed and I want to tell them all off. "That's ok, I don't mind that I can never trust any of you again because I know how much you lie to each other and everyone around you. That's ok, you can exclude me and my mom from your get togethers just because we rocked the boat and told you how much of a dirtbag your brother/uncle is. That's ok, I don't mind that you come to Toronto and completely blow me off and decide to visit your fake ass cousins instead. That's ok, you can completely lie to us to our faces and then run off and say and do the exact opposite. I don't mind that you've hurt my Mom, your own sister who took care of you for most her life that you've abandoned just because she's decided to stick up for me when no one else would!" I won't care about this in a couple of years but the amount of betrayal is killing me now. I just can't wait until it's all a distant memory. Sorry, I know this was supposed to be a quick update that turned into a rant about my extended family (with the exception of 1 cousin), but dammit, I have a lot on my chest and it's only going to be a matter of time before I go postal with all these bottled up feelings. I promise I will be in a better mood in a month or so. Until then...

Had to post this...

2006-06-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

Basically just sums up why I don't go to church and why I don't have many Christian friends:

Top Ten Signs you are a Fundamental Christian:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Gross

2006-06-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Everything I have eaten in the last 10 minutes have been rotten. I've come home after a couple of beer and a great conversation with my boyfriend at Ted's Collision, and I somehow decided that it would be a great idea to make a guacamole-pasta sauce-cheese-sour cream wrap. Everything I used was moldy. Even the cake I washed everything down with. I feel really sick and dizzy. But damn. It was a good sandwich.

As promised...

2006-06-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

...here are the pictures from the Gala, which proved to be a very fun, successful night with lots of laughs and new friends. Feeling a bit lazy, so the only writing will be the description of the photos. Laaaaaazy.

This is me, Alex and Rachel in that order. This was before the performance in the hot, humid basement of the venue, with 300 other bellydancers. Ew.

This was taken just after our performance, looking obviously full of ourselves cause we did so well.

There are no pictures of us on stage because no flash photography was allowed. Ok, enough for me.

Daaayyy off...

2006-06-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

Daaaay off. Daylight come and it's my day off. That's my day off song. Not very impressive, but it gets me excited. I decided to take a day off from my wonderful fulfilling high income job (haha) to find the best apartment my wonderful fulfilling high income job can but (rent) me. It turns out that my salary is considered lower class to the government (who can kiss my lower class ass!) thus resulting in a cheap apartment. So I'm dedicating a full day to search out the best place for the cheapest rent. I already have an appointment tomorrow for a place at Queen and Bathurst, but upon closer speculation, it is really quite small. But I guess I'll have to see for myself. My coordinates for living downtown is from Yonge and Bloor to Bloor and Bathurst, to Bathurst and Queen, and to Queen and Yonge. Yes, I know that's a small section, but I'm determined to find something around there, I will not end up in North York or Scarborough again. So if anyone is around those coordinates tomorrow, give me a call. We'll do lunch like we're important. Oh by the way, my first show went amazing, I truly kicked belly dance ass. I'll upload pictures once my friend from class sends me them.
More later...

Mullets Galore

2006-05-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, so finally an updated post.
Nothing too exciting going on, just fleeting moments of happiness here and there. Randy has been clumping around in Prague for almost a week now, and I must say I really miss the guy. Not just because I have to do the work of 2 stations when he's gone. Or that I have to stay at his house every other night to feed Chealsea. But because I just miss him. I'm also worried because he has a tendency to gravitate towards old, dark ancient tunnels and cellars. And strip clubs. I promised John I'd blog this, even though it makes both of us look really stupid. So I'm with John in my apartment waiting to go out when my phone starts ringing. It's the door, but I'm not expecting anyone. So I answer, and a very loud voice on the other end demands for me to open the door. Naturally, I hang up and start panicking. Two seconds later, my ever so dimly lit hallway has two undentifiable shadows standing outside my door, which then proceeds to shake and thump, like people trying to get in. So naturally, I grab my phone, lock myself into the bathroom (and John out) and call the cops. At this point, John in knocking at my bathroom door, asking if he can be let in. So he enters my self made panic room with a hammer in his hands and bracing for the worst with me. 10 minutes later, 4 angry cops and my landlady are listening to my pathetic apologies, as I had mistaken Ola and her giant Russian boyfriend as intruders. Wouldn't you? In my defence, no one answered my question "who is it?" through the entire ordeal. Things might have been different had someone say something other than "open the door". But that just confirms my need to get a decent apartment.
On a different note, this weekend was the much anticipated cottage get away, where 24 people get together and lose their minds in the middle of nowhere. Since Keith and I work in the same area of the station, and with Randy in Prague, and John (our ride) not getting off work till 11 pm at night, we decided to take the trip up Saturday morning and forfeit Friday night. So John came over around 12 am to stay the night, we went for pizza sandwiches, and got to bed at 4 am. He actually woke up at 7 am which shocked me cause I thought I'd be dragging him out of bed. We leave at 8:30 am and go to Randy's house to feed his cat, when we realize we don't have the map and our junk mail folder erased it. Nobody has reception where we're going, none of us know the name or city or town of this place, we just know it's north. So we go north and hit every flea market on the way up. I bought a Nintendo set, mase, and a hip scarve. We had more fun going up there then we did at the actual cottage. So it turned out Ravil had reception at the cottage and he was able to guide us there, where we got stupid drunk until we threw up. Ok, until I threw up. Which hasn't happened in such a long time, so I didn't mind. We somehow managed to wake up at 9:30 am today and crack open a few more beers to kill the hangover we had. We attempted to go fishing the night before with our $20 Wal Mart fishing rods, but all we managed to do was go to the other side of the lake, dock on some sticks so I could run into the forest and pee, and then row back because the air was black with moquitoes and black flies. All in all, it really was a fun weekend. Here are some pics:

This is Keith at a flea market. Yes, that stuff behind him really is the flea market.

This is me trying to show Ola some belly dance moves. The only excercise we got all weekend.

This is me doing model shots with a hairdryer. Didn't turn out too model-ly.

I actually really don't remember this picture being taken. But then again, look at me. I doubt if I even remembered my own name at that point. Anyways, that's me and John.

And this is me and Keith getting really excited about our lunch. Keith has spaghetti and uncooked meatballs, I had tomato sauce, mushrooms and cheese in a sandwich. Picture vegetarian pizza sandwich. It wasn't very good.

Anyways, that is what happens when I don't blog for a while. You get to read a long useless paragraph about the exciting-to-me but boring-for-you events of my life.

Good night.

It's true...

2006-05-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

All the people in my life that I have ever been really close to, friends and family alike, have broken my heart in a very big way at one time or another. You think that your heart will heal, but the only thing that really happens is it stops hurting after awhile. It never comes back to where it was, its just like a dead spot there, where there is a piece of love missing.

When I was...

2006-05-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

...a kid, my mom used to drag me and my sister to the neighbourhood library where we would rent really disturbing videos of fairytales (they were really, really scary.
One was about a radish that ate other radishes while screeching at the top of his lungs) and read books and such. There was a really scary stuffed monster in the basement where the kids section was (it's actually still there, I had to visit that library 2 years ago for some story I had to write for the paper).
Anyways, back to my point. So outside the scary library was a blackberry tree, which my sister and I would ravish everytime we went.
I've always missed the taste of blackberries, but they've always been ridiculously expensive, compared to the 33 cents per pound bananas.
Well, I decided to buy a small package today for $2.50, thus having really high expectations for the taste.
After offering the first few to my co-workers, I began eating them only to find the taste pretty damn disappointing. They had a great first taste of juicy goodness, but a bad aftertaste of poison berry.
I pictured them so much juicier and tasty from my childhood. Strawberries are the same. I haven't eaten a good tasting strawberry in so long.
I feel let down by fruit.
Things are hectic this month, with an appearence at the Contact photography festival on Queen West (go see my photo, support the arts!), Randy flying off to Prague, my first bellydance show, and a "still deciding" septum piercing. I'm probably going to wait on my septum and go to the BME Fest in July where the best piercers and tattooists from all over will be making appearences and giving advice. I might even get it done there, along with a few other things, who knows. Well, I'm signing off. Here's a link to the most addictive game you will probaby ever come across on the internet. It gets me through my day. Keith's score is 216. Mine's 79 :(
Happy almost Friday.
Click

Yet another random post

2006-05-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

About nothing at all, just an update on the not so interesting going-ons of my life. So much has happened but so little is left in my memory. So bear with me if this seems scattered. Randy recently held a happy Goot day for me, where he showered me with gifts, which is really weird because he is so not a gift person. He took 2 rolls of my undeveloped film and made prints for me, bought me the new NO FX cd, and gave me Boggle, which I am the reigning champion of (until he beat me that night). Now I'm kinda suspicious cause the only time I showered my previous boyfriends with gifts was out of guilt of something really stupid I had done (i.e. crashed their car, pissed off their mom, etc.). So Jackie, Keith and I got season passes to Wonderland and went for the first time on Friday, which was season pass holder's opening day or whatever. I had so much fun, and realized that it really is who you go with that makes a difference. For example, last year I went with a bunch of people and they ended up at the bar for like 4 hours drinking overpriced beer. It was not fun. Actually, John and I made the most fun for ourselves, but it wasn't fun enough. Anyways, Friday was the most fun I'd had in a long time. Thank God Keith and I are pretty much cut from the same cloth and find hilarity in the exact same things. The night started off with mullets and ended in mullets. Business in the front, party in the back. Keith bought 4 huge cans of beer which he was supposed to leave in the lockers at Yorkdale, but the lockers had been taken away, so he ended up downing them in the terminal washroom. I helped him finish another beer outside the gates and he hid the last one by the flagpole, which was gone when we went back. Mullet men are the possible suspects. Jackie went on 2 rides with us, but felt sick after Tomb Raider, so she became the designated bag lady for the night. But we had so much fun, going on the same rides again and again, pushing slow fat kids out of the way, trying to spit at ourselves on the rides, laughing till our stomachs hurt in the lines. I felt like I was 14 again, but happy. I have feeling this year my pass will be put to very good use. In other news, if the crackdealer/crackheads/cockroaches problem don't cease to exist in the next couple of months, I'm moving again. It really sucks because I love my apartment and the location is amazing, I just don't like the issues surrounding my apartment. That always how it works out for me. I love living downtown, but most of my friends live in Scarborough, so it gets lonely. But I really hate Scarborough, so I could never live there again. So I guess I will be stuck in my apartment for the rest of Sunday, playing video games and feeding the pigeons (which everyone thinks I am so disgusting for doing, but it is so much fun!), waiting for someone to visit me. Which should happen once Azam gets off his lazy ass! I want to go grocery shopping with someone and pretend we're married and argue over the cost of cereal. I really don't know why I like doing that. No one else does either.

Baby fever...

2006-04-23T19:22:00.001-07:00

Apparently, people actually read my blog, as I have recently recieved complaints that it hasn't been updated. When people don't hear from me, and they can't reach me by phone, they check my blog to see if there has been any updated activity. And if there isn't, I'm presumed dead. Sometimes I wish. Just kidding, in case sarcasm can't be detected. ***Cat update: Shadow has been complying with taking his meds, he even opens his mouth for me and yowls before I drop it in. And because I used to give him a barrage of tuna and cat treats after each dosage, he now expects it everyday even though his meds are done. I think he kinda misses it. It was like a bonding experience each day. Me wrestling him into the bathroom, him using his back claws to tic tac toe my skin, me talking softly to him while prying open his mouth, him screaming in my face. Ahhh, memories. But it's done now, until he gets another bladder infection. So Ola's sister Abir had her baby shower today and I had to do something I had never done before- shop for baby things. So I'm in Winners and going through a stack of clothes that would make great hand puppets cause that's how small they were. And for the first time in my life, I wanted a baby. But it was gone in a flash, after I realized that I don't want a baby, I just want small clothing cause they look funny. And the fact that I'm never getting married, the thought actually makes me nauseous. And the fact that my chance for having a kid is %5, so says my doctor. Which is fine by me, cause I can always pull an Angelina Jolie and adopt from another country. When I have as much money as she does. So basically I'm never having children. I've already had several people predict that I will someday be a crazy cat lady, and that day is not looking too far in the distance. Oh well, at least my cats won't grow up to hate me or turn into psychopaths, so when yours do, I'll be laughing with my cats.

Have you ever...

2006-04-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

tried pilling a cat? To define the term, pilling a cat consists of one shoving a small round like pill down a screaming cat's throat. Since my cat has a urinary tract infection, I have to find ways to make him take his meds not once, but twice a day, for the next two weeks. Oh, it sounds easy. "Just pry his head open, and pop it in!" Tell that to my scratch/puncture wounds. Now my apartment smells like every kind of fish (I've been experimenting) the cockraches thinks it's one big fish party in here, I have an angry, sardine covered cat who will probably die because he won't swallow this microscopic pill that will heal him. And I have to go through this for the next two weeks. My next pet will be a goldfish, or a rock.

Going crazy..

2006-04-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

My cat was recently admitted into the animal hospital (vet, whatever) to be treated for bleeding pee and bum smears. The bleeding pee has concerned me, and his anal glands became so sore and impacted that he was tic tac toe-ing skid marks all over my carpet with his bum. I have since renamed him "Skid Vicious" due to these acts, but as funny as my shitty-cat antics goes, this is downright scary. So I take him to the burly vet in Scarborough (where I happened to bump into Quba, shout out to Kuya!) She "expresses" (fancy word for squeezes) his glands, which looked so painful, and whisked him away to shove into a cage. And she wanted to keep him over the ENTIRE WEEKEND! So I haven't seen my baby in 2 days, my stomach is in knots, I haven't slept much, I'm a complete wreck for this fluffy, shitty furball that I have had for 13 years of my life. I want him to come back ok, and with at least 5 more years to snuggle with. I swear, if he comes back with more problems, or in an urn, I'm going to kick some serious vet ass.

Can't...sleep...

2006-04-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard I try. I just can't. So I'll post. So the cottage weekend is coming up, and yes I'm excited, even though I'm experiencing a bout of peer pressure, which you all know, I cave in to very easily. Some previous incidents of me caving to peer pressure include throwing up in a cup (it was a game, throw-up-in-a-cup. I won), a pierced tongue (which I never really wanted, but that's the thing with peer pressure) skinny dipping, ingesting things which are not to be ingested, and many practical jokes and dares that have almost gotten me killed. So suprise, suprise when I think I've finally outgrown peer pressure, my good bad friend who shall remain nameless, is now insisting that I partake in eating "shrooms" at the cottage. Because everyone will be doing them and I'll be the only loser not doing them. I love the logic. Now, for those of you who have been with me when I smoked my first really really big joint, maybe you might remember me freaking out that the TV was on fire and that my face was falling off. Drugs and my personality simply don't mix. We are just not made for each other, which I think is a good thing. I have enough hallucinations that I have to deal with on a day to day basis without feeling the need to encourage them by eating shrooms. Especially when I'm in the woods with 40 people who will be contending to their own special trip without having to deal with mine, which will probably involve monsters behind trees. And that is without any drugs. Do you see my point? I don't need drugs, I'm on a lifelong natural acid trip that I've been trying to get off. So in conclusion, I will happily drink myself into a stupor, but I refuse to smoke, pop, eat, inhale, snort, absorb, or shoot anything for the rest of my life except for the Tylenol I will be needing for my hangovers.

Ow Ew Ow

2006-03-29T09:29:00.000-08:00

I just had to perform surgery on my own foot using a safety pin. I noticed my foot has been hurting all week, and upon closer speculation, my big toe had a small dark spot, which had to be something embedded in the skin, as it had already grown over it. Yuck. What the hell is it? Must have picked it up from the dance studio, it's the only place where we have to take our socks off. So I take my safety pin and I burrow, and burrow, and burrow with all the unpleasentness of trying to reach something foreign in your foot with a pin. Finally, a sharp prick, and the thing is out. A piece of glass or rock. Great. My day off is already improving. Still groggy from last night, thanks guys for putting up with my antics, which included a sign falling almost on our heads, disturbing the cute laptop guy behind us and demanding to know "what the hell are you writing, some kind of book report?", slurringly lecturing a group of U of T biology students about testing on animals, 3 stolen half pint glasses (which I am going to return tomorrow, I am not a thief!) a really mushy blog post and God knows what other embarrasing things that vodka usually makes me do. In my defense, I haven't felt that good in a loooong time and stood by when everyone else did. So now I'm broke, hungry and hungover. All on my day off. For some reason, I found this comic hysterical and thought I might share it with you guys. Enjoy!

I truly have...

2006-03-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

The best boyfriend in the world. I couldn't ask for a more caring, understanding, supportive, intelligent, genuine person. He really is outstanding, which is why I'm dedicating this post to him. Whenever I think all is lost in this cold, disgusting, self indulgent world, I think of him and some balance is repaired in my chaotic universe. I think I love him more than I love anything else, including chocolate. And that's huge. I'm a very, very fortunate person to have someone like him by my side and I only wish that everyone I am close to has the oppourtunity to experience how wonderful a person he is. He's the only thing that makes sense to me, the only thing that is real to me in a world of fakeness. Handsome, I love you so much, thank you for making me yours, whether you wanted to or not :P You're the best boyfriend in the world!
Love Goot.

I hate...

2006-03-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

...people who have no respect for lives other than their own. I could say the wealthy, but I know some very nice rich people and that would be wrong to categorize. What makes me want to throw up is when I see people flanked in fur. It's the equivalent of seeing pigeons eating vomit off the sidewalk. I hate people who wear fur, and I CAN categorize people like that because there is no excuse for wearing a dead animal for the sake of "fashion" and it is the most selfish act I can think of. There is no right reason to wear something that was brutally killed for a status. It's really sick and I let them know, whether it's talking next to them or to them about how disgusting it looks. If they come too close, I tell them to back off because I'm allergic to dead carcasses used as clothing. Or I stare unbreakingly at them on the subway. I like watching them shift, becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and then eventually moving to another seat away from me. I try not to do it too much around Randy cause I know he gets embarrased about it. But I think these people need to know that what they are doing is wrong and discourage this hideous trend. Now I'm not a vegan hippy or anything, and many people try to argue the fact that because I eat chicken, I'm a hypocrite, but it's soo completely different. I eat chicken because I need to, since I don't eat any other kind of meat, and I don't wear the feathers like some sort of trophy. People who wear fur, and I'm applying this to EVERYONE who feels they are the most superior species and feel worthy to wear something skinned (sometimes alive) for their luxury, are the most disgusting creatures alive and I deem them on a level lower than cockroaches. And I HATE cockroaches. Ok, rant over. Sorry, it's just that I saw 2 people looking like walking slaughterhouses and my blood is still boiling.

Best Doll Ever!

2006-03-22T09:58:00.000-08:00

My co-worker Keith has found the doll replica of me! Well, just my name, and a couple more piercings.
Let me introduce you to Fiona Fatale...

Fiona FataleItem #2038

Awesome-o

2006-03-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

Sorry, the last time I tried to post this, I failed miserably and cried myself to sleep. Ok, maybe just failed miserably. So without further adieu, here is the poor guy who has been excellently photoshopped into various hilarious images:

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!
More later...

Life alone

2006-03-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Is amazing. I LOVE living on my own and don't know why I didn't do it in the first place. I moved a block away from my old apartment, leaving behind a roommate and fond memories, but it was time to move on and I'm glad I did. So now it's just me, my cat and a couple of cockroaches (which are so damn hard to squish). Life is good. Really good. I hate saying that because this huge feeling of self consciousness comes over me, and I realize things are not so good, and I'm just pushing the bad things away. Ok, pushing... pushing... gone! Bellydancing is AMAZING! It's so much fun! I learned how to make shapes with my boobs, but I don't think that will come in handy for anything practical. I really needed something like this to commit to because outside of work, I need to have a structure of some kind where I know exactly what I'm doing, or else I feel out of control with my life. And the shelter kitchen is closing soon now that winter is over, so my volunteer work is almost done. Which brings me to my next point. I really like volunteering there, I like our guests who eat dinner there, and I like the organizers. But I have a list for the volunteers who make things difficult to get work done. This list is in no particular order, but all are equally annoying:

-If you decide to volunteer, please do not show up in dress clothes. You're not here to hand out muffins with a shiny happy face, you're here to serve, scrub, sweat, mop, wash and help- with a shiny happy face.
-Please do not show up dressed as mentioned above, realize how much work it really is, and then not show up the next week even though you swore you would. It gives us false hope that we will have more help.
-Please (and this is for all the girls from Leaside and other rich cunt areas) do not show up and expect a medal for washing one dish, playing with the aprons, trying to perform an Ashley Simpson dance routine with your slutty friend, and talking about your "amazing" sex life, even though you're only 17 and really have no clue. You're not impressing anyone, just pissing me off. And then you have the nerve to ask why I hate you.
-Please do not comment on the condition of our food or how it relates to what you learned in science class. I don't care if the properties in butter are depleted when it's microwaved, it's for popcorn. For street kids. I really don't think they will miss the properties.
-Please do not expect anyone to treat you like a martyr because you served more plates than someone else, or cleaned up an extra pile of vomit. When you boast and whine and complain when things don't go your way, it really takes away from the volunteer part and makes me think that you are here for more selfish reasons than helping.
-Please do not comment when you see our guests doing things you think are "gross and yucky". I bet you pick your nose too, just not in public. Same goes for those who give them pitiful, sympathetic looks and coo to yourselves. They're not abused kittens, they are people, and you're here to help them; looking at them is not a form of help.
-Please eat dinner with our guests, and not in the obviously seperate room where only staff are allowed. Part of the whole experience is to treat them like human beings in a society that doesn't, and you're not helping by running away when someone makes eye contact with you.
-Please don't grab a plate of food before all of our guests are served. We do run out, and the difference is that you can go home to a fridge of food, our guests can't.

I think that's it, but I'm sure there's much more. I just had to vent because I keep this to myself when I'm there. (Except with the 17 year old brats, I tell them when they piss me off)

More later, I'm having birthday dinner (Randy's) at my parents house tonight and seeing my bro back from his trip. But I will leave you with this... from Ola..

Why you should never publish your pic on the internet...

2006-02-23T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'd like to take a moment to introduce my new pet Ping Gwen. He will be a permanent resident on this blog, so get used to him and try not to abuse him too much.

Martini in a Box, Tequila up my nose

2006-01-29T08:39:00.000-08:00

Yup, you heard right. Those were the events of my Friday. To make a long story short, my long time friend and I decided it would be cheaper to go to the LCBO and buy some liquor rather than go to a bar. This idea was GOOD. We get to the LCBO and after browsing a number of tempting toxins, our eyes fell on Martini In A Box. The idea was BAD. But not at that point, we were still convinced it was a good idea, since it was on sale for $10 off the original price. And the box really did look fun. I'll show you. So we buy that with a bottle of Tequila just in case we finish the box. When we finally reached home, I poured us a glass of the much anticipated "Party A Go Go Martini" (see, it sounds FUN!) into a couple of glasses and we proceeded to drink. It was really really gross. It tasted like molasses mixed with water and butt. I couldn't even finish my glass and I felt really sick from what I had already drank. So we both empty our glasses of asstini down the drain and start on the Tequila. Mind you, I'm really not feeling good from our first beverage, but I drink anyways. Since I don't own shot glasses, we use the huge happy face glasses I have, which makes the "shot" all the more harder since you're trying to keep it from spilling all over your face. First shot was great, second was too, but the third one somehow managed to stay wedged in my esophaegus,causing my gag reflex to go off. Since my place is a mess, it was like an obstacle course getting to the bathroom. I felt the vomit surging up my throat and I clamped my hands tightly over my mouth, but the pressure from my hands only acted as a vomit launcher from any pin hole cracks in my fingers. I hit my room divider which falls and breaks everything in it's path, also traps my friend in my room, and I make it to the toilet just to have Tequila and asstini shoot out through my nose. Please learn from my mistake. Never buy discounted, discontinued liquor, no matter how fun the box looks. More later.

Playing dead...

2006-01-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, here I am! Not dead, just playing! I haven't posted for a long time out of pure laziness. Feel free to throw rocks at me. *And by rocks, I mean chocolate, and by throw I mean give. So I've decided to quit smoking, and by quit, I mean cut down, but eventually quit. I'm down to 5 a day (from 25 {ew}) and I haven't clawed anyone yet during a nic fit. I hope to be cigarette free in 5 months or less. I realise by quitting, any images of me being 'cool' and 'dangerous' and even 'disgusting' will be gone and there will never be an oppourtunity for anyone to look at me and say, "Wow, you do that? You look so innocent!" unless I take up Jiu Jitzu or coal walking. So now I will just appear boring. Boring and healthy. And people will just say "You look so innocent" with a scrunch in their nose. I think it's time for a new peircing. Much to Gand's dismay, I really want to get my lip peirced again, this time by someone else. (The first time it was done, I was convinced that the procedure could be handled by myself and some Jack D) here's an example of what I want...
Ha ha Just kidding. <----
This is more of what I was thinking --->

If Gand really doesn't want me to get it done, I won't cause in the end, he's the one who kisses me, and I don't want that to stop! But it has been a while and I'm feeling the urge to get something pierced, and I only get pierced above the shoulders, so I'm very limited.

Other than that, things have been normal around here except for a few scraps at work, drinks all around, new people and friends in my life (which I can never get enough of) and an updated blog post. More later...

Welcome to the Jungle... We got lots of... Snow?!

2005-12-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, here it is guys, my updated post of non interesting stuff you so claim to miss! I picked a great day to take the day off, as the world (Toronto) is covered in a thick blanket of snow. I'm at my parents house after waiting 45 minutes for a bus in the snow with Gand, who will undoubtedly be really late for work, moreso than usual. It was fun to laugh at the giant lazies who didn't brush off the mile high snow on their fancy-pants SUV's and relied on the window wipers to do it's minimal cleaning on a small part of the windsheild. Silly, lazy rich people! Should have gone for practical instead of faux rugged monster cars. I hope to spen most of the day snuggling with my handsome cat. Yup, he's a fatso, but I love every bulging pound of him.
But snuggles are for later, now I have to get ready to go back into the Tundra, for Christmas shopping at Scarborough Town Centre, meet up with my old art/film teacher for a coffee, and then off I go in search of HAKKA FOOD! (Chinese/Indian, my favourite in the world!)
I am especially hungry, since the other animal who lives here (my dad's dog AKA the beast AKA Cala Budu which means black idiot) ate the rest of my donut from Tim Horton's without my permission. Here he is showing guilt, but not regretting it!

Yes, all the animals who live here are obese, I'm sure I will be asked that a number of times!

Ok, work is callin' gotta go.

Fuzzy blue monster...

2005-11-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

Just at home relaxing after taking a long hot shower. The cold rain makes me crave them. Instead of my usual hankering for the deadly Pizza Pops, I am making myself a chicken burger, complete with tomatoes and lettuce for nutrients. I did hear the call in the frozen food isle, but defiantly walked the other way. Pizza Pops cannot enter my freezer or my stomach for at least a month. Or less. My new thirsty towel which I bought on sale has left me looking like Grover. It is dark blue and the fluffy, before I used it. Now I am dark blue and fluffy. Oh well, I kinda like the look. Suitable for winter. I had a fun weekend which included dancing the night away at the Portuguese/Latin club Mana, celebrating my friend Ghazaleh's B-day. Below, Me and Ghazaleh: Sorry to all the Rico Suaves who tried to dance with me. Although you are very tempting in your extra-small Canadian leaf mini-tee's and impossible to understand accents, I am taken and that includes no contact with strange, exotic men. With incredibly bad breath, might I add. Other than ducking the odd punches thrown here and there by jealous boyfriends and dramatic girlfriends, it was a pretty good night. Below, left to right, some dude, Ghazaleh's cousin, Ani and her big head, Naim above, Ghaz, Ola and me with my natural blue hair. We went to a chinese restaurant afterwards (3am?) where me an Ola had fun with chopsticks and embarrasing everyone who was with us. She slept over, which was the perfect end to the night. I love it when I end up with Ola in my bed at the end of the night ;) But seriously, I sleep sooo much better with someone else in my bed. I'm not sure why, I guess I just feel safe and cozy. In the morning, I woke up to find her and my smelly used socks gone. She lost hers somewhere in my room, and took my dirty ones from the floor, which is beyond me because I have a drawer full of clean ones that she could have helped herself to. Nevertheless, it was a good weekend followed by shopping with Mel (who bought me monkey earrings) and a visit to my parents (where I ate chocolate chip icecream and looked for husbands for Mel on the internet hee hee)
Chicken burger is burnt, look what you have done.

Oh brother, where art thou...

2005-11-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

So I have yet another day off. But instead of in a car with Bargain Harrold-ina, I am on my butt in my apartment. The kitchen is clean, the bathroom scrubbed, and my place deviod of my brother who was supposed to visit me at 2. We were supposed to look at rats and make fun of the downtown crazies together, but he is not here. Instead, I am watching a TV movie in my beer shirt and track pants. The only food in my cuoboards is Alphaghetti and Mr. Noodles. Alas, I am hungry and alone again. If anyone happens to see this boy wandering around downtown, please call me. He is most likely lost.

All in good fun...

2005-11-21T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm at my parents house. I have the day off tomorrow, and I will be spending it with my mom and every grocery store within a 20 mile radius. *sigh*. I really wish I could plan something really spectacular for one of these days I have off, but for now, I will just volunteer my time driving around Bargain Harrold-ina, that being my mom. But it's the only time I get to spend with her, so I enjoy it. Onto more important things... I see alot of people out there who are really miserable. People who complain daily about their lives. People who drink too much or get high too often to escape reality. I always tell people that things could be worse and to be grateful for the life they have. I have come to this simple conclusion through the means of face contortion. Try it and you will never be ungrateful again. Just look in the mirror and make the ugliest face you can, and then think, "I could look like this, but I don't. People would throw things at me if I looked like this, but I don't. Babies would throw up and cry if I looked like this, but I don't." I have included some exhibits for you to get the general idea.
Exhibit A: I could look like this-

See? Get the idea? Try out a few faces. Brace yourself, here comes Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

And that's what makes me feel better when I am down. It may seem a little superficial, because not looking like a hideous monster isn't the most important thing in life, but it does help. It also works if you are trying to annoy your boyfriend, girlfriend, family, or just about anyone who looks in your general direction.

I leave you with my final exhibit; the Ice Cream Monster, that of which I am happy of being-

Everybody has lots to smile about! (Except if you look anything like the above photos).

Coming soon: How to appreciate your boyfriends/girlfriends through a similar method.

When enough is enough...

2005-11-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

After a long day of slugging through work with my bloated, aching belly (monthly friend) I find myself at home exchanging telepathic thoughts with the Pizza Pops in my freezer. "Eat me". No, I should make something healthy. "I require little work to make." No, I ate a whole small pizza yesterday, I really should eat something else other than processed pizza. "You can make me tastier with hot sauce. I taste so good with hot sauce and you know it." Yes, but so does everything else on this planet, you're not so special. "You'll have to clean dishes if you make anything else." Ok, that convinced me. So I heat up my delicious-with-hot-sauce Pizza Pops and scarf two down in 5 minutes flat. The box indicated that if I so desired, I could have 2 pizza snacks. It didn't mention anything about having more than 2. I realise that this could potentially be a disclaimer, discouraging any eating of more than 2 pizza pops. But on the box, they are referred to as snacks, therefore, 2 would be a snack, 4 a meal. Or so I thought. My appetite had only grown more for the pizza filled pastry after I had eaten the two. I didn't want that gooey feeling to stop. I raced to the freezer and foolishly threw in my last 2 pizza pops into the microwave, thinking I was a genius to make a pizza snack into a meal. Halfway through the first of my 3rd pop, I begin to realise this was a bad idea. Everything starts to have that same pasty taste. Eating has now become a chore and I have only myself to blame. I push the last of my fourth pizza pop into my mouth with my index finger and unbutton my pants with my free hand. I have a full, aching stomach and no more pizza pops in the freezer to last me the rest of the week, all because of one moment of greediness. There is a lesson to learn in all of this. If the instructions on the back of the box refer to a specific amount of food inside, stick to it. The box knows what it's talking about. To those who read this to the end, you truly have a connection with me. To those who didn't, congratulations on your sane, happy state.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

2005-11-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

The weekend has come and gone, and all I have to show for it is a still messy room. Friday I went skateboarding with a girl I met off of Craigslist, who wanted to learn how to skateboard. She bought hers off of Ebay for $50, which was a great deal as it is a good board. So we went around the Annex area and she is a natural. I didn't have to teach her anything, she just got on and that was that. We had a great time and had coffee and cake at Future Bakery afterwards. I went home and realized I had nothing to do that night. I rented Batman Begins and bought the Spongebob Squarepants movie for $10. I got home and checked my mail, and was just about to put the movie on when Ola called. Thankfully, she was in the area and saved me from boredom that night. She came over around 12 and we talked till 2. It was great, we didn't have to go anywhere or spend lots of money, we just sat and talked and laughed like normal people on a Friday night. The only hangover I had the next day was from too much laughing and chocolate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking drinking, it's just nice to enjoy someone else's company without ending the night by puking in an alleyway (or all over yourself). Yesterday we went to the Royal Winter Fair at the Exhibition. Lucky for us, Gand and I snuck through the re-entry door so we wouldn't have to shell out $17 each to sample bitter wine and pet cows and pigs. Gand was tired and cranky throughout the whole thing, so I was glad to leave with Mel Gerard and Ani who mysteriously ended up with cow manure on her jacket. I've finally gotten around to cleaning my hole of a room, and it's shaping up nicely. Now, all that's left for the weekend is the Sunday cartoon lineup at 8 pm and snuggling with Gand til I fall asleep. Or until he stops snoring. Whichever comes first.

Ugh rearranged spells hug

2005-11-09T12:52:00.000-08:00

Which is what I need right now. I was trying to organize a bar night, but it seems that everyone is either too cheap or too busy to go. Which is fine by me. Maybe I'll go by myself. Ok, I could never do that, never mind. God, if I knew this was going to happen, I would have rented a movie or something. I hate sitting at home with nothing to do. It makes me nervous. Ok, I need a part time job. Or maybe I can clean my room.

Well, only a few more days and I'm going to the Royal Winter Fair! I think I'm more excited to be with my favourite people in the world all together. Gand, Mel, Ani and now Gerard. I'm looking forward to seeing cows and horses. Who wouldn't be???
On a sad note, my boss just told us she's leaving in 3 weeks for an amazing job she got. The sucky part is that she is the best boss I've ever had. You don't hear too many people saying that about their bosses. She really was (is) cool though. She's the kind of person who would stick up for you and go out of her way for you no matter what. And I don't think there's one negative bone in her body, and if there is, she would never show it towards her staff. Needless to say, she is irreplaceable. She's the kind of person that you want to see good things happen to, because she is such a good person. So even though we're going to miss her, we're all so happy and excited for her and her new job. I'm not sure how we're going to deal with the change, but I'm sure anyone who takes her place (even if they're only half as great as she is) will be welcomed. Ok, I'm going to see who I can round up for tonight, as I really don't want to stay home :(
More later.

There is a first time for everything

2005-11-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is. My blog. For those of you who would like to know what's going on with me without having to actually talk to me, this is for you. And of course, my friends for whom I will be the spokesperson to document all of our crazy adventures, if we ever come across any that is! Hmmm, where to start... Well, my username is Isis (don't know why I chose it, it just sounds pretty!) I've just had a pretty bad meal of chicken curry gravy and basmati rice, compliments of the cafeteria in my workplace. Think of melted plastic, and tamarind, and you have what I've just eaten. Mind you, I think it was more the rice I cooked from home in my newly-bought-from-Honest-Ed's rice cooker. It was $15, ok? How was I to know that the rice would taste like how the packaging smells, even after numerous washings? Never mind, I'm over it now. Well my roommate (we'll call her Joan) is going off to Bermuda without me, but I wouldn't be able to afford it anyways. Needless to say, the place will seem empty without her. I just hope that my imagination doesn't get the best of me and I start imagining ghosts and closet monsters again. I'll end off here, only because anything else I write from this point onward will no doubt be pretty boring. Wait, I've pretty much just described my lunch, so I think this whole entry is pretty boring. *Sigh* not a good start. I promise I'll have some good stuff to write about next time... if there is a next time...